A Near Miss
Oh, how time flies. Exactly one year ago I was heading out of town for my yearly two-week work trip. This time last year I was just a few months into my relationship with The New Guy, and I was really worried about us being apart for so long after seeing each other incessantly for the previous weeks. I remember actually thinking he’d be over me by the time I got home. It’s funny to look back now and think about how stressed out I had been about us missing each other too much, and having such a distance (literally) between us so early in our relationship.
Because now – it’s exactly the opposite.
When he dropped me off at the airport, I could almost detect a bit of giddiness in his voice. He barely hugged me, gave me a quick peck and said, “See ya!” and got back into his car and drove away. I’ve talked to him a few times since I left, and for the first time in the two-plus months since I’ve moved in, he seems downright happy. And it made me a little sad.
Because I think I’m happy too. Happy might not be the right word. Relieved is probably a better choice.
I’m staying at a co-worker/friend’s house, and she’s been out of town for the first few days of my trip. Walking into an empty house was like a huge weight lifting off my shoulders. I unpacked slowly, rather than the frenetic packing (and resulting tantrum) that occurred at home before I left. I took a long bath and didn’t worry about a comment of how much water I use every night filling up the tub. I read a magazine cover to cover, got into bed with all the lights off because no one was reading next to me, and I slept – all night.
When I woke up the next morning with no one next to me, I didn’t have a twinge of loneliness, not even a pang. I had no cats to feed, no throw-up or pee to clean up, no dishes to put away, and no vacuuming to do. Hey wait, shouldn’t I miss him?
Then again, I also had no morning kiss, no coffee in bed, and no one in the shower with me (okay, that part I’ll admit I kind of liked).
Now he’s watching football, working in the garage, puttering in the backyard and going on mountain bike rides. These are all the things he does normally, but I can’t help but think that now he sounds like he’s on a fabulous vacation – from me.
Everyone here is so excited for me. They keep coming in to look at my ring, wanting to know every detail of my wedding plans – of which there are none.
When I got home last year, we almost broke up. It was mostly my exhaustion speaking combined with a little cold feet for the first trimester of a new relationship. We ended up picking up where we left off, having an amazing Christmas, and well, you know the rest.
This time when I get home, we leave 4 days later for a two-week trip with his mom.
So I guess the question is, will I want to go home?
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Miss-ile Launch
I have a news flash for you; it’s OK to look forward to some time away from the one you love. In fact it’s honest, even downright healthy to do so. I have another news flash for you; what you’re NOT supposed to be is downright giddy with joy and anticipation at the prospect of being apart from each other. When it comes to a supposedly healthy and happy couple spending time apart, there’s a line of demarcation that is acceptable anywhere between melancholy and mildly excited by the idea. You are way, WAY on the other side of this line.
I was on the basketball team in high school. One night we played the number one team in the state. We weren’t ranked in the top one hundred. The game started and they scored ten points in about a minute and a half. Our coach called timeout. In the huddle he kept pleading, “Don’t panic! Don’t panic!” We took the court again and they scored another ten points, almost as quickly. We called timeout again. The huddle was very quiet. Not even our coach knew what to say. I decided to break the deathly silence by asking, “Hey Coach… is it OK if we panic now?” We still lost, but we ended up making a real game of it. Who knows what would’ve happened if we’d gotten off to a strong start?
I’m NOT saying you’re down twenty points in the first quarter and I DO think it’s too early to panic. But I don’t think this is the fairy tale you’ve been dreaming of all these years and it begs the same question I’ve been asking myself for so long now – are you more suited for, and even destined to be alone?
Let’s start with the facts: Over half of all marriages end in divorce. Your parent’s marriage was a joke. Most of your married friends are miserable. Oh, and let’s not forget… you gave up your entire life to be in this marriage-to-be. These are not reassuring pieces of information, but they cannot, and should not be ignored.
The trouble with fact is that it sometimes gets in the way of a good romance. So maybe you moved a little too fast… you were digging the guy, and he was digging you just as much. And maybe you were forced by circumstance to sacrifice a lot more of your life than he did… you had a decision to make and you made it. The last time I checked, you guys were still engaged. Maybe it’s time you focused a little more on the good stuff that got you here, instead of the downright inconvenience of having to alter your bathroom habits or allow an end table to be placed in the wrong corner of the living room. He’s a good man and you love each other and there’s no way I would say or write this if it wasn’t certain of it. On the other hand, what if those things simply aren’t enough to make it work? I don’t have an answer for that any more than the next guy, despite the fact that it happens all of the time.
Hey, nobody said it was going to be easy… if it was every couple you know would be happy.
