One Night Only
I know that all I’ve been doing is whining and complaining about my new life, so you’ll be pleased to know that my past has come back to spice things up a bit…
Hey (She Said), I know it’s been a few years since we’ve talked (had a one-night stand), but I was in your neighborhood and thought you might like to get a drink (have a one-night stand again). Anyway, if it works on your end (if you want to sleep with me and go another two years without talking), let me know. ~ Joe Schmo
I’m only shocked it didn’t happen sooner. Having been single for so long prior to meeting TNG, I had a feeling that situations like this would arise. It’s actually a good thing that this engagement has taken me out of the area code of my old life.
Hey Joe, yeah, long time. Actually, that’s not my neighborhood anymore. I’m sixty miles away now. Oh, and by the way, I’m getting married. So, sorry about the booty call, but I’m going to have to pass. Take care, (She Said)
Okay, so that’s not exactly what I said, but it’s close.
Wow, that’s great news! I hope he’s a good guy; otherwise I might have to kick his ass. You deserve only the best… Are you sure you don’t want to meet for a drink? You’re not married yet, after all.
Oh, so tempting. Not really.
Yeah, he’s a great guy, so no need for the fisticuffs. (I love that word) Anyway, take care. (She Said)
So… no drink then?
I decided not to answer. And my gut tells me I should never have answered to begin with. But this situation begs the question of what to do in the future. Because, knowing me as you do, this is bound to happen again. Not to mention the fact that I brought my phone number with me to TNG’s, which in hindsight was probably a big mistake. And yes, I am the last person on the planet with a landline.
Here’s the thing: TNG doesn’t know that this exchange took place. Does the “what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him” theory apply here or do I have to tell him every time my past resurfaces? Obviously the conversation was harmless, but I did engage in conversation with the guy. I have to believe that every once in a while, an old girlfriend looks up my man and I’m none the wiser. According to TNG’s gossipy next-door neighbor, this place has had a revolving door on it for the last 10 years (which actually makes me kind of relieved).
Luckily the emails stopped after I didn’t respond. But if the sins of the past come calling again… what’s a girl to do?
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Up All Night
The last time I received a call from the sins of my past, I answered – sort of. No, I didn’t have sex with her… I didn’t even see her. In fact, I didn’t even directly speak to her. We typed. We flirted with our keyboards. We exchanged flowery text messages and e-mails that danced around the fact that the only reason for the two of us to see each other again would be to get naked. I had no intention of laying my eyes on her, much less my hands, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying the ride. Then my girlfriend at the time got wind of the exchange and all hell broke loose. It turned out that NOT getting laid on the side cost me more grief at the time than any illicit sex I’ve ever had. It’s not enough to just be good…
When it comes to past lovers, we must be very, very good.
For guys, it’s about the lure of temptation and the ego stroke of being wanted, even if the only thing we’re wanted for is what’s hanging between our legs. We’re usually more than happy to take a trip down memory lane with an old flame when the opportunity arises. We don’t even need the memories to be particularly romantic or, well, memorable.
Sure, I remember all that great sex we had (even though I was drunk every time).
Sure I remember our first kiss (I was already deciding how soon it could be until our last kiss).
Sure, I remember that weekend we were invited to your sister’s beach house (I spent the entire weekend figuring out how I could have sex with her instead of you).
When sex from the past reappears in the present, I don’t know too many guys that don’t at least give it some thought, if not action. Okay, I don’t know any guys that don’t at least give it some thought. And I know a lot of guys who give it some action.
Everybody in a relationship carries the baggage of their individual past. The later in life we commit to someone, the more baggage we bring to the table. At a certain point, we all have a decision to make: Are we about our past, and the baggage we carry, or are we about the now, and what we still believe can be? You made it clear where your choice lies… I’d like to think I’d do the same thing in your shoes.
Either way, I see no reason to share whatever baggage we carry with someone we love, if it doesn’t reveal itself on its own. Part of having someone love us is allowing them to think of us more highly than we would otherwise… Why rob someone we love of feeling this way?
