Head Of The Class
Boy, when you start thinking about all of the places they can veer off track, it’s surprising that any relationship succeeds.
Let’s go back – way back. Do you remember my idea of what makes up the right kind of woman? I may be in the minority, but if you ask me the very best women break down as follows:
20% Princess
We hate to admit it and have little respect for it, but most men actually like that a woman pampers herself to a reasonable and affordable degree. We actually like the way you look, smell and taste after a little spa time and a little mirror time. You’ll never get me in a mud bath or an exfoliating session, but you guys should have at it – at least, 20% of you should.
20% Dude
This is very important. If you can’t sit on the couch with me and watch SportsCenter… If you don’t know what an ERA is…. If you don’t look sexy as hell in my favorite team’s football jersey and little else… Well, not to be harsh, but I have no use for you. And call me inflexible, but I cannot be with a woman who doesn’t care about her body, or mine. I cannot be with a woman who crinkles her nose when I put the ballgame on. I cannot be with a woman who tells me to be careful when I go to the gym. I need a woman who is 20% dude.
60% Woman
This comes under the heading of, “And God created woman.” This is the woman that you’ve been trained to become and the one we find so hard to resist. It’s the woman who’s willing to ask directions when lost and who cries at weddings. It’s the woman who makes us think, yet at the same time as she’s driving us crazy and it’s the woman who asks if we still find her attractive, yet refuses to believe us when we say, “yes.” The princess and dude components of a woman are at least partially by choice. All women are at least part princess, but it’s on each one to decide when and how much. The same can be said about being part dude; although I’m pretty sure this happens much fewer and further between. This is the category that separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls. This is the category that makes us dig in our heels while reaching with our hearts. This is the part where men and women are both the same, yet completely different. This is the part of you that renders a relationship as much luck and chance as does love and romance. This is the part of you that brings us together or keeps us apart – or both.
Maybe my percentage of princess is a little high for TNG. Maybe he prefers 35% dude and 5% princess. To each his own and thankfully, this is your issue, not mine. My advice to you is to do whatever you can to get an upgrade to First Class for this trip – and promise yourself NOT to say, “I told you so,” when he comes to you the way we all do when admitting the woman is right – begrudgingly.
4 Responses to “Head Of The Class”
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If The Shoe Fits
In the words of the flight crew of Apollo 13, “Houston, we have a problem.”
The New Guy and I had a fight. Okay, maybe disagreement is a better word, because no punches were thrown, but I think for a few moments he probably wanted to punch me… And I’m pretty sure the fight was 100% my fault. Worse than it being my fault, it was while we were sitting at a restaurant – quite possibly my biggest pet peeve.
This “disagreement” actually goes back to our first date last year. It was the first time he said it, but it definitely wasn’t the last. I don’t completely remember the context, but he said, “You’re five stars, I’m two stars.” Now, one could take that in a flattering light – he’s saying he feels lucky to be with me; he’s putting me up on a pedestal. But since he’s said it about 1000 times in the last nine months, I’m now taking it to mean he thinks I’m a snob.
Do I like the finer things in life? Yes, but just like I discussed last week, I know when I need to cut back. Am I as frugal as he is? No, and I never will be. He glues plastic hangers back together – enough said. But, it’s one of the many things I love about him. I think I’ve been making a huge effort to live life a little more simply – hell, I slept in a tent in the backyard with him a few nights ago because he wanted to test out sleeping bags for a camping trip. (Actually I’m pretty sure he was testing ME, not the sleeping bags.) And aside from having to pee for five hours and not wanting to climb over him to get out, I really enjoyed myself in that tent. But do I love a Four Seasons too? Yes, and I’m not going to feel guilty about it. I’ve worked my ass off since I was 13 years old. If I want First Class, I’m going to get First Class.
Which leads me to our disagreement.
We’re discussing taking a really big trip next year. When I casually mentioned that I could save my miles to upgrade us to First Class, he poo-poo’d my suggestion before the sentence was even out of my mouth. I don’t know about you, but if I’m on a 17-hour flight and have a chance to have an endless bottle of wine, a bed and a down comforter, my ass is taking the upgrade. And as we’ve discussed before, I’m going to inevitably be the one stuck in the middle seat, so why the hell wouldn’t I want the upgrade? But truthfully, it was just a sentence, about a trip that’s not even definite, and a whole year away. It was simply an idea. But like most ideas I have, he thinks it’s “unnecessary.”
“Five stars, two stars,” he said emphatically, rolling his eyes. And I couldn’t help it, but tears started to sting my eyes. What do I have to do to prove that I’m not a snob? I now have 3 pairs of hiking boots in my closet – not a pair of heels purchased in almost a year. But it’s not even about shopping – I’ve been open to anything he wants to do, and have made a huge effort to fit into his world. All I want to do is sit in First Class for 15 hours – for FREE. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe it is. Maybe we just don’t fit.
7 Responses to “If The Shoe Fits”
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Raimundo Jones says:
Just a little correction. The word spendthrift means profligate or excessive in one’s spending habits, the opposite of what you intended.
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Right you are. Is that a Freudian slip or what? Thank you for being such a loyal reader!
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Congratulations! You won the contest… Email us your address at her@shesaidthis-hesaidthat.com so we can send you your prize. Thanks for always taking the time to comment!
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I didn’t know there was a contest! What’s my prize?
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It was fifty smackaroos and the very first She Said This, He Said That coffee mug! Unfortunately we never heard from you so we sent it to our first runner up, but we’ll give two prizes because you’re such a loyal reader. Please send your name and address to her@shesaidthis-hesaidthat.com. Thanks!
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Don’t beat yourself up- we’ve all had “words” in public- especially at a restaurant. Sometimes it just can’t be helped.
“SHE” should upgrade to first class and let his sorry ass sit in coach.
Ha ha! Agreed! Thanks so much for your comment! You are now entered in the contest! Keep reading and we’ll post the results next week! ~ Her & Him
Truly the perfect words to understand the situation. Be the first to shoot the duck…
Might that be a video game analogy?
Thanks for the comment and keep leaving them! Another contest is coming soon!