Phone sex is great… It’s also greatly underrated. We all masturbate anyway, right? Maybe some of us more than others? Well, isn’t phone sex simply masturbating, with a little encouragement from a friend?

I haven’t had phone sex in a long time, but I remember the last time as if it was tomorrow. My girlfriend at the time was in Dallas, on a business trip. I was home, bored far beyond TV and the Internet. She and I had a pretty good thing going at the time, to the point where we were speaking on the phone before bed every night. She was two hours ahead of me so it was no surprise when my phone rang as I was crawling into bed for the eleven o’clock news. I could tell within her first spoken sentence that she was on fire. She had caught me at the perfect moment. I knew there was risk involved, but I started talking sex with her immediately. It was like having the only key to the club. I was in special territory and I treated it with reverence and gusto. The hotter she got, the hotter I got. It may have been 20 minutes, but it seemed like 20 seconds before the fireworks went off, for both of us. She and I had a great sex life face to face, but this just might have been the best sex we ever had.

Phone sex is a lot like porn… The dialogue is lousy and it’s boring after the first couple of extreme close-ups, but it still beats the vacuum of the solo self-pleasure. Did you have a hard time keeping a straight face while you talked to him? You actually asked if he had a boner? What are you, twelve? But of course, you’re forgiven. The use of lame-ass dialogue simply can’t be avoided in phone sex. What are you wearing? Where is your other hand? Are you getting hot? Not to mention addressing each other with the term, “Baby,” about 400 times each, even if neither of you has ever used the term with each other before. Phone sex is good clean fun and the interaction itself is nothing to be ashamed of. The dialogue, however? That alone should keep phone sex conversations on our planet to the bare minimum (pun intended).

I’ve had phone sex with lovers before, and once even with a total stranger, but I’ve never had it with a woman who fell anywhere between the two. I certainly don’t see any problem with your little episode and upon further introspection; I hope you stay OK with it as well. “Why?” is a question that has clearly outlived its usefulness in the world of men, women and relationships. This is especially true with men.

You want to know why he called you? I guarantee you even he doesn’t know why he called you. Men don’t know why we do half the things we do, especially when it comes to women. The main problem is that our penises often do more thinking for us than the head resting upon our shoulders. Beyond that, We’re just scared… Scared to admit how lonely we get… Scared to face that being alone just might be more agreeable to us than being with ANY woman… Scared to NOT be a “real man…”

So I wouldn’t lose any sleep over why he chose to call you at such a unique moment. Maybe he had no one else to call. Maybe, in his eyes being “the cool chick,” buys you the occasional phone sex booty call, but not much more than that. Whatever the reason, the problem really isn’t yours… If there is a problem, it’s his, and his alone. But that’s if there even is a reason to begin with.

I say just sit back, relax, and enjoy the view. Or rather, the phone.