The Cheating Kind

We haven’t really discussed this before, but it may come as no surprise that I come from a long line of cheaters. In fact, aside from a very select few, every member of my family has been unfaithful to their spouses. Could the fact that I was born into a marriage which was over even before I hit the womb be the cause of my extreme marital trepidation? Could that be the reason why I shy away from a serious, meaningful relationship that might lead to that long walk down the aisle? Could that be why I place such a high value on those ever-so-popular words: love, trust, honor, integrity…?

Perhaps. Okay, probably. Oh, who the heck am I kidding? YES.

As I look around, everyone is cheating. Why is no one satisfied? And it’s not only guys. I actually know more women than men who are having affairs – multiple, in fact. And not only are they affairs – they are full-blown relationships. These people are truly living two separate lives. They go out in public, they act as a couple, and no one is the wiser – or in some cases – they are the wiser and it’s accepted. Just how are they getting away with this? And, why are they doing it?

So you know me, I asked a few of them. I would love to say there was a clear-cut explanation, but there really wasn’t. The immediate stock answer was, “He/She gives me what I don’t get at home…” Fill in the blanks – attention, ego-stroking, sex without negotiation, you name it, if they weren’t “getting it at home” they figured out where to get it – and got it, no problem. And, in the typical high school answer, “Everyone is doing it.”

But why is it so easy? And why is it actually, acceptable? I don’t mean to be holier than thou, and I’m the last person to place judgment on sexual behavior, but whatever ever happened to marriage being something to work at? What about “for better or for worse?” If my legacy is infidelity, why am I working so hard trying to find true love? Why do I have this burning desire to be the woman of some man’s dreams? Shouldn’t I just accept my fate and live a life of dissatisfaction? I guess there is still that part of me that believes. And that’s the whole problem in a nutshell. I still believe. So sue me.

For most of my life, it seemed like such a simple plan. You meet a mate, you fall in love, you get married, you have kids, and you live happily ever after. Nowadays, you still do all of those things, but somewhere down the road you “couldn’t help it” and you fell in love with someone else. So why not leave? Why not end your marriage and be with this person who is your “soul mate?” I just don’t get it. Maybe I’ll never get it. Maybe my brother was right and I’m really adopted. Whatever it may be, I must have missed the stop on the cheating bus. And boy, am I glad I did.

I guess it’s like that old saying, “Why does a dog lick its balls? Because it can.”

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