One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
March 2nd, 2010Obviously you’ve never heard the old joke. Hard to believe, since I’ve been beating it to death since I was old enough to tell the difference between bad luck and no luck, but it goes something like this: “How do you make God laugh? Have a plan.”
I have no idea who invented these fairy tales that define the hopes and dreams of women everywhere. Maybe it was God, maybe it was Disney or maybe it was some short, bald guy with a really twisted sense of humor, but I’m afraid the joke is on you and your fellow females. There is no “plan” that will make romance happen. There is no “approach” that will bring the right guy to your door. As important as love is, it’s equally as random, internet dating and Grandma’s neighbor’s great-nephew notwithstanding. The thing is, you know this. You’ve always been one of the smart ones. So let’s get past all of this depressing fact and revisit the fantasy that causes bright, attractive women like you to even consider a game plan for meeting men to begin with.
Okay let’s evaluate your progress (?) so far, from my courtside seat. Let’s start with the texting. With all due respect to the fact that I could be labeled a pure dinosaur by asking, but is texting not one of the lamest forms of communication to come along since smoke signals? Especially when it comes to men. Breaking up with a woman via text is incredibly weak, but saying anythingvia text beyond, “Be there in ten minutes,” is equally as weak in my book. I get it – the year is 2010 and that’s how we roll these days. But I still say that a man who relies upon text to work his way into or out of a woman’s heart/pants is one giant pussy. Women are just as guilty, but for some reason, that doesn’t bother me nearly as much. My last girlfriend texted me to death, and I hated it – about 10% of the time. The other 90%, I loved it. So do us both a favor… The next time a guy asks you out, or in or all about via text, reach back to your blog of a few weeks ago, and just say no.
Now let’s skip to your friends – uh, they are friends, aren’t they? Friends can be funny sometimes. They are your biggest fans, as long as you remain in the exact box they picked out for you when you first met. Guess what? You just traded in the “always there for you” friend box for the “always there for you, but I have my own life, too,” box. Married people like having single friends. It enables a tiny part of each of them to always remain single; while also reassuring themselves that they made the right decision so many moons – and kids ago. I ask the same question I always ask about married people: How many of the married people you know would you trade places with? Exactly.
One step forward and two steps back… Not the greatest long-term plan, be it investing or dating, but it seems a little too early to scrap your 2010 approach just yet. It’s been a long, cold winter. Let’s clean the slate and look forward to spring.
