I’ll Have What She’s Having
My favorite is the orgasm scene in the restaurant…
The best I can do on this subject is to share three personal stories. These stories will only confirm the conclusion you have ultimately reached… that 98% of the time, men and women simply cannot be friends. If there is even a sniff of sexual frustration involved, on either side, the percentage rises to an even hundred. I know this only too well from personal experience. In each case, lying was involved, If not to the other, at least to ourselves. Some things happen only under the rarest of circumstances. Don’t blame the messenger – blame it the human factor.
My initial foray into these treacherous waters occurred just out of college. Though we’d never met before, we were both from the same hometown and we both had our days free. Upon these bonds of history and availability, a friendship blossomed. She was great-looking, but made it clear from the start that she only wanted to be friends. I convinced myself and her that I was OK with that. I wasn’t. The more time we spent together, the harder it was for me to pretend I didn’t want to have sex with her.
The more tightly she held onto to the friendship-only concept, the more I wanted her. After about a year of this longest case of blue balls known to man, she finally weakened one night. We got drunk on tequila and started making out in the parking lot. We went back to her place. She was still insisting that nothing was going to happen, but she was now moaning her protests between make out sessions. She pulled and I pushed, she pushed and I pulled until we ultimately fell to the floor, our clothes flying off our bodies before she could change her mind. It lasted all of 45 seconds. Five minutes later, I was embarrassed and ashamed and behind the wheel of my car. We never spoke again.
My second excursion into this abyss occurred after breaking up with the woman I’d loved most, up to that point in my life. It was no surprise that we eventually broke up. We had no choice. She wanted kids – I already had them. She had her whole life ahead of her – I only had most of mine in front of me. She lived in the city – I was trapped in the suburbs. As obvious as it was, it was still painful. There were two occasions after we broke up when we tried to be friends. Both times, it was her idea. What I learned later was that both times, it was on the heels of one of her relationships ending. What I also learned later was that I didn’t want to be friends with her… I wanted to be lovers and lovers only. I only pretended I wanted to be friends in case it would bring us back together. Eventually, I decided I didn’t want to be friends OR lovers. We both moved on and it’s been a few years since we spoke.
Finally, there’s my ex-wife. We were never really friends in the first place, so it’s hardly an insult to say we’re not friends now. We’re not, but at least we’re the next best thing – we’re business partners. Our business is our kids. It may not be the most successful business in town, but we do better than most. Not only is friendship extremely rare between a man and a woman, it can also be extremely overrated. It’s a myth that men and women can be friends. They can’t, and they probably shouldn’t.
Except, of course for us.
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You Can’t Fake Friendship
It should come as no surprise that one of my favorite movies of all time is When Harry Met Sally.
Among the many famous quotes, for me the most memorable is, “Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.” 
Aside from us being the exception to the rule, I think Billy Crystal had it right. Men and women really can’t be just friends. They can try as hard and as often as they’d like, but they will never, ever truly be able to be real, honest to goodness friends. The sex part will ALWAYS get in the way. Why? Because no matter what, you can’t fake friendship.
I’ve always had a lot of male friends, I tend to get along better with guys, but deep down I’m really a girl’s girl. I have my close handful of girlfriends and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. And of course, I have you, my male counterpart, but in defense of the theory we did kiss once (ten years ago), so even we briefly fit into that category (even if for only a moment). We don’t fake anything, because we don’t have to. But with these other male friends, there is always the sneaking suspicion that sex is always somehow on the agenda. Case in point, The Sixty Year Old. Remember, I wrote about him a while ago. I should have known being friends with him would blow up in my face. And it didn’t just blow up – it exploded into smithereens.
I thought I was doing so well. For months I’ve been able to fend off his romantic advances without hurting his feelings, I’ve been able to maintain a friendship (or so I thought) and I’ve been able to keep professionalism intact. That is, until now.
Long story short, men and women can’t be friends. The sex part always gets in the way. I will give him credit – he never gave up. He was charming and sweet, yes – but then I discovered something else. Something devastating.
He’s a total liar.
Seems all this time I thought he was my friend, and he thought I’d give in and let him be my boyfriend. I am telling the truth when I say I made it perfectly clear that we would never be a couple. Was it tempting way back when to have a filthy rich guy head over heels in love with me? For about 23 seconds. Then I remembered he was sixty and he cried more often than a grown man ever should. I should have never even allowed the friendship. It had trouble written all over it and yet I let it in anyway.
So what did he lie about? It really doesn’t matter, except the fact that he does it all the time (about me) and believes his lies. The only thing I hate worse than a liar is a liar who doesn’t admit that he lied. So I confronted him, and then I ended the friendship. You might ask why it was so black and white – it’s because he faked it. It wasn’t a friendship at all. It was an “I’ll be friends until she sleeps with me.”
And whether you’re a man or a woman, you just can’t fake friendship.
Good post and so very true. Although I think there can be degrees of friendship. I had a really good friend until I slept with him. Then we weren’t friends any more and I missed him. Maybe if I hadn’t have given in to the ‘what if’ we’d still be friends now. After all, a little chemistry is good for a friendship. Does it always have to be either/or??
We think so! That’s why we haven’t slept together! Thanks so much for reading…