There And Gone
February 19th, 2010Not too long ago, I could dismiss your dilemma with that expression, “He’s just not that into you.” But things are so different these days. To some, just saying that probably makes me sound old. Well, I’m not old, and I’m certainly no idealist, but you don’t have to be either one of these to see that relationships ain’t what they used to be. We don’t fall in love anymore – we tip toe around love until tripping over it or running away from it. We schedule it and plan it and squeeze it into some pre-ordained plan that contains more fundamental flaws and misconceptions than the state budget. We analyze it and time it and script it until we suck all of the spontaneity and joy from its pores. We do everything we can think of to make it happen, EXCEPT the one, single thing we’re supposed to do – let it happen. The end result? Nobody knows what a real relationship is anymore.
Case in point: you and Rip Van Winkle. Ten dates? Cooking dinner for him? Valentine’s Day? Call me crazy, but that’s a relationship in my book. If I don’t want a relationship, I go for a two date maximum, a check after every meal and a Valentine’s Day spent in different zip codes. If you ask me, you guys are in a relationship, except for two things: It’s 2010, and he’s a guy.
When it comes to determining if a relationship exists or not, men and women approach things in very different ways. We come on strong – first of all, we want to get laid. We can’t possibly decide whether or not you’re girlfriend material without having sex with you. Even if the sex is lousy and we’re the reason why, we simply have to know. So once again, it’s all about getting into your pants and we can’t do that by taking our time or coming on soft. We put on the full court press – dinners, drinks, thank you text messages, cute emails and our deep voice on late night phone calls. Are we leading you on? Maybe, so what? We have to know and we can only find out by sprinting until we don’t want to sprint anymore.
You guys are the opposite. Where we reach out, you usually hold back. Where we like to hit the gas, you prefer riding in neutral. Where we’re ready for all night long, you usually draw the line at home for CSI. You ladies are smarter about it than we are. Maybe it’s because when you hurt, you hurt more than we do. Maybe it’s because you know what you’re doing before you do it, and we don’t know what we’re doing until after we’re done – if it all. Or maybe it’s because you start thinking about being in a relationship the minute you wake up every morning, and we don’t think about it until we’re walking down the aisle. Whatever the reason, don’t feel bad about being confused – we’re all confused. Women are just more willing to admit it.
But, I still think he’s just not that into you. If he was, you wouldn’t be confused – you’d know.
