Read ‘Em And Weep
“Hi [She Said] – It has been really great to get to know you. You are a great person and you make me laugh. I have recently met and been spending time with another gal and it’s a relationship that I want to pursue. I want to be honest with you rather than string you along. I do not think it fair to you or me. I hope you don’t think this text is a wussy way to handle this – I thought it was the best. I am open to your continued friendship and wish you the best in finding love. There are lots of things about you and our brief relationship that I miss already. Signed, [Salt and Pepper]”
I’ve said it before (usually unwillingly) and I’ll say it again. You were right. Again. Yep, you were right when you said you thought he “just wasn’t that into me.” You were right when you said something was missing, and you were right when you said I would know. Well, I know.
I guess I’m not really surprised. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew something was off, but so many things seemed so right, that the back of my mind didn’t matter. This wasn’t a long relationship, I shouldn’t be heartbroken, it shouldn’t really be that big of a deal, but for some reason, this one is stinging more than usual. Could I have fallen for him? Why does it hurt more? Why didn’t he want me? Why didn’t he pick me? And more importantly, why am I never the one anyone picks?
“You are such a giving person. You make me laugh and treat me like a rock star. My friends think I am crazy to give you up and that I should just date lots of people and enjoy the single life… You will always be my Valentine and I will always think about you with a smile. Nobody is better than you.”
Huh?
I have to admit, as being dumped goes, this guy did a great job. He actually made me like him more after he dumped me. I just don’t get it. Why go through all the song and dance of 10+ dates, the impromptu Valentine’s card in the mail, home-cooked meals and make-out sessions on the couch. If “nobody is better” than me, then why isn’t he with me?
And why does it hurt more than usual?
So what do I do now? The thought of going “back to the drawing board” is painful. But the thought of not? Even worse.
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The Fine Print
Sometimes being right sucks. And this is officially one of those times.
Okay, so my first question is a no-brainer: “I hope you don’t think this is a wussy way to handle this…” God, I feel like such a chick when I say this, but are you kidding me, Pal? If it wasn’t a completely wussy way of handling things, would you have even thrown in that disclaimer? One of the hidden things I dig about being a grown man is knowing when, where and how badly another dude is full of shit. This dude may be honest, but he’s also full of shit.
My second question is actually an answer: I don’t know. I don’t know why he didn’t pick you. I don’t know why “they never” pick you. I don’t even think that’s the case, but you certainly do and that’s all that matters.
What I will say is the same thing I always say to you: DO NOT CHANGE. Not only shouldn’t you change, but at this point you can’t afford to change; you have defined yourself by your own cool combination of vulnerability and sex appeal. You are who you are. You cannot be anyone else – but we both know that you know this.
As far as his text message presentation goes, I have to tip my cap to this wordsmith. As lame as I think it is to “break up” with someone via text message, I’m beginning to realize that I’m in the minority on this subject. I hate texting, but I find myself texting back to people A LOT, so in turn I’m texting by default. Having made this disclaimer, I still say the whole texting thing is total and complete bullshit. What a pussy. What a load of crap. Plus, he called you a “gal.” My dad used to refer to women as “gals.” He described you as a “great person.” Gee, thanks. The Dalai Lama is a “great person.” No normal person ever aspires to be a great person; all we aspire to is a little love, or something close to it. He stated his desire to “be honest with you.” Good for him. Very noble. It might have been just a tad nobler if he hadn’t pushed your buttons and yanked your chain along the way, but hey, sacrifices must be made, Mister!
Then again, I’m probably not one to talk. The last time I broke up with a woman, I did it by disappearing.
