Just Say No
Just say no.
Those 3 words were the foundation of an advertising campaign that First Lady Nancy Reagan created in the 1980’s to discourage children from engaging in recreational drug use. The ads featured different ways to teach young people to say no to things that they felt pressured to do, be it drugs, sex, violence, etc. We don’t see much of it anymore; it’s been a long time since the Reagan administration, but I think this is a phrase that I desperately need to adopt – for dating.
I just can’t seem to say the word no. Not when it comes to sex – I can definitely say no to that (but I usually don’t because that I actually want) – I can’t ever seem to say no to a date. I know half of these guys aren’t right for me, I know nothing will ever come of these dates, yet when planning my dating strategy of the New Year, I forgot to put the words “just say no” in my syllabus.
This isn’t a new problem; I’ve been saying yes to dates with the wrong guys for years. (Does Extra Large Jerk ring a bell?) It’s kind of like the theory of finishing your plate. We never ran out of food at my house growing up, but we were taught to eat our dinner, and that meant finishing everything on our plate. So it seems with dating, I’ve held to the same strategy. I have to clean my plate; meaning if a guy asks me out, I go. God forbid the world runs out of men, so I’d better date them all before it does. And believe me, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’m totally exhausted. And I’m gaining weight, because they all are taking me to dinner, and of course, I finish my plate. So what do I have to look forward to after this dating extravaganza? A bunch of dates I should have said “no” to, and a fat ass after working so hard to fit into my skinny jeans.
Oh and something else I have failed to mention: 50 first dates doesn’t exactly buy a girl a whole lot of sex. So, while I am making my way down the buffet of men (and dinners) I am having absolutely NO sex. I’m just not a sex-on-the-first date girl. Well, at least most of the time I’m not, and I’m especially not in the first months of my “If you build it, he will come” experience. (I know, I just said come, but I didn’t mean that.)
So how do I say no to the guy who is seemingly nice, has his shit together, and on top of everything, actually likes me? How do I say no to the guy who I actually like intellectually, but can’t in a million years imagine kissing his fish lips, let alone any other part of his body? How do I say no to the guy who is the total package, whom I am actually totally hot for, but he’s 100% sure he doesn’t want kids and I’m only 65% sure?
Nancy Reagan would say, “Just say no.”
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Yes You Can
What’s that expression? You have to kiss plenty of frogs before one of them turns into a prince? That expression represents everything wrong with how women are taught to view themselves when it comes to men – even now, in the 21st century. First of all, what’s up with wanting a prince? Because you want to be a princess? Because you want to live in a castle? Because you like the way your man looks in a pair of tights? This message isn’t just wrong, it’s insulting. It’s wrong, because there simply are no princes. We all have a little frog left in us. Furthermore, no real man even wants to be a prince. It’s too much pressure and the sex is lousy. We’d much rather respect a woman than rescue her. It’s insulting to women, because it assumes you to be useless, unless you’re kissing frogs and waiting by the phone for a prince to call. Really? Is that how girls and women want to see themselves? I think not. I hope not.
Which brings us to the word, “no.” Men are great at this. It’s in our DNA. No, I don’t want to talk about it. No, I don’t want to go shopping with you. No, I don’t know what I want, or when I want it. No, no, no fucking way. I knew how to say no before I hit puberty. And since dating completely sucks, it’s easier than anything for a man to say no. We’re the ones who do the asking, remember? All we have to do to say no is… not ask. Of course, it’s different for women. We all know that. You guys have it tough. What’s wrong with wanting to fall in love and have a family with a stable, secure man who loves you? Isn’t that what we all want, male and female? Isn’t that the foundation of who we are? Yet, you have to wait for us to do the asking. At the same time, you’re being torn asunder by Disney dreams, modern roles and everything in between. How tough do we men have it compared to you? We’ve heard the same consistent message for generations: Conquer the world, and find a good woman along the way to help you do it. As if this isn’t enough, women have biological clocks. When it starts ticking, there’s no stopping it without an epidural. Is it any wonder that it’s simply easier, if not better to be a man?
“No” has its limits, and so do you. Maybe you’re not the queen of “no.” Maybe you are giving out more chances than instinct would allow. You’re still a step ahead of both sides of the dating world and you still have a PhD in people. I’ll say what I always say: trust your gut, keep the bar high. If you want to say yes, say yes. If you don’t, then say no. It’s your life. Live it on your terms. However, you may want to come up with a plan that actually includes getting laid once in a while.
I can’t believe that you remember Nancy Reagan’s “JUST SAY NO”
I think Nike is looking for a new representative “JUST DO IT”