Just Say No

Just say no.

Those 3 words were the foundation of an advertising campaign that First Lady Nancy Reagan created in the 1980’s to discourage children from engaging in recreational drug use. The ads featured different ways to teach young people to say no to things that they felt pressured to do, be it drugs, sex, violence, etc. We don’t see much of it anymore; it’s been a long time since the Reagan administration, but I think this is a phrase that I desperately need to adopt – for dating.

I just can’t seem to say the word no. Not when it comes to sex – I can definitely say no to that (but I usually don’t because that I actually want) – I can’t ever seem to say no to a date. I know half of these guys aren’t right for me, I know nothing will ever come of these dates, yet when planning my dating strategy of the New Year, I forgot to put the words “just say no” in my syllabus.

This isn’t a new problem; I’ve been saying yes to dates with the wrong guys for years. (Does Extra Large Jerk ring a bell?) It’s kind of like the theory of finishing your plate. We never ran out of food at my house growing up, but we were taught to eat our dinner, and that meant finishing everything on our plate. So it seems with dating, I’ve held to the same strategy. I have to clean my plate; meaning if a guy asks me out, I go. God forbid the world runs out of men, so I’d better date them all before it does. And believe me, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’m totally exhausted. And I’m gaining weight, because they all are taking me to dinner, and of course, I finish my plate. So what do I have to look forward to after this dating extravaganza? A bunch of dates I should have said “no” to, and a fat ass after working so hard to fit into my skinny jeans.

Oh and something else I have failed to mention: 50 first dates doesn’t exactly buy a girl a whole lot of sex. So, while I am making my way down the buffet of men (and dinners) I am having absolutely NO sex. I’m just not a sex-on-the-first date girl. Well, at least most of the time I’m not, and I’m especially not in the first months of my “If you build it, he will come” experience. (I know, I just said come, but I didn’t mean that.)

So how do I say no to the guy who is seemingly nice, has his shit together, and on top of everything, actually likes me? How do I say no to the guy who I actually like intellectually, but can’t in a million years imagine kissing his fish lips, let alone any other part of his body? How do I say no to the guy who is the total package, whom I am actually totally hot for, but he’s 100% sure he doesn’t want kids and I’m only 65% sure?

Nancy Reagan would say, “Just say no.”

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