A Rose By Any Other Name
As I look back on the first five weeks of this year, I can’t help but smile. Dare I say it – compared to last year, life is definitely good. Last year at this time I had pneumonia. Last year at this time I was jobless. Last year at this time I was totally, and completely alone, and felt like I had nothing to look forward to, except making my way to the back of my refrigerator. Oh, and watching The Bachelor.
I know, I know, you’re groaning right now, but I can’t help it. I am fascinated by the process of one man being given a room full of women, fully suited to his taste, and over the course of six weeks he has no other responsibility in life than to focus solely on falling in love with one of them. Stuff good TV is made of? Definitely. Possible in real life? Ask me a year ago I would have said no way. Now? I think it might not be so far-fetched.
Yep, I’m feeling pretty good these days – I haven’t had so much as a sniffle, I’m doing what I love and getting paid for it, I’m comfortably in my skinny jeans AND I have met some amazing men – who are actually still calling weeks later. I have to admit, it’s been quite a whirlwind.
When I created my “If you build it, he will come” strategy for the New Year, I really didn’t plan for the “they will come” part.
I know I got my swagger on big time last week and in my cocky prom queen state of mind said that I wanted to keep them all. The truth of the matter is, I don’t want to keep them all forever. At the end of the day, I’m still the girl who wants just one – THE one. So I guess my question last time shouldn’t have been “Why can’t I keep them all?” it should have been “How do I make sure I keep the right one?”
I think it goes without saying that I have made some missteps along the way. Quite possibly, I had my nose in a book (or a cheeseburger) when Mr. Right might have walked in and out of my life. Quite possibly, he was right in front of me waving his arms and I was looking up – or down – or behind me. Quite possibly, he’s doing it now – and I’m missing it. I hope not.
I actually feel like I am living my own series of The Bachelorette right now. I’ve made it through the first half of the season, and I’m down to the hometown dates. I found the guys I like, I feel a connection with each of them, and I think I know which one I like the best, but what if I’m wrong? What if I pick the wrong one? And even worse, what if I totally messed up and already sent the right guy home? I may have handed out a lot of roses in the last five weeks, but there can only be one rose in the end.
So how do I look in front of me when I’m so used to looking anywhere, everywhere else?
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Reality Check
First of all, you watch too much reality TV. But in the reality of life, as well as the reality of love, for every pro, there’s a con.
Exhibit A: Why is there such a fine line between the goodness of truly loving someONE and the preposterous notion that there’s any such thing as “The One.” Forgive my lack of open-mindedness, but, no f***ing way. And you know me. I am hardly anti-romance. The ridiculous idea that we all have some sort of “perfect fit” with only one person in this crazy life is a lovely notion, but a notion is all we should ever allow it to be. How do I know this? I don’t for sure. A part of me even hates to say it. But if there’s one thing that every little girl should be taught while growing up, in between the prince on a white horse and the superhero lessons, it is this: There is no such thing as “The One.” Even if I’m wrong, we’ll be doing them a favor. Here’s the good news; whether you fall in love only once in your life, or are lucky enough to do it a couple of times, if it’s truly love, than it will still feel as if you’ve met “The One.”
Exhibit B: Why is it, that on those rare occasions when we actually do fall in love, does it feel so akin to being stripped naked and left to mud wrestle your way to safety? Much like Exhibit A, this is way more a female issue than it is a male issue, but we both know the feeling. One of my favorite clichés about relations in general between men and women goes as follows:
Men fall for women, hoping they’ll stay exactly as they are, but they change.
Women fall for men, hoping to change them, but they remain the same.
That’s the problem with Prince Charming – he doesn’t exist. Neither does “The Perfect Man,” “My Hero,” or “The One.” We all know this, but we tend to forget, every time someone makes us feel good about feeling good about being with them. Who can blame you? Who can blame any of us? If being in love is as good as we all know it to be, then maybe it just shouldn’t be so easy to find.
Before I completely dampen your parade, allow me to let you in on a dirty little secret about the average man that women seem to feel is so necessary to their happiness: We’re different from you when it comes to just about everything – except this. We actually want the same thing, more or less… But much like you’ve been trained since birth to believe, we’ve been trained since then not to believe. It’s as if we’re fighting the same battle, but from opposite sides of the wall. Just don’t tell anyone I told you.
