Yes, We Want You To Swallow
I know you’re expecting me to laugh you right out of cyberspace. But I’m not going to – because I’m happy to answer these questions. In fact, if more women actually asked for answers to what they really want to know instead of playing stupid chick games and beating around the bush (no pun intended), I think relationships would have a much higher success rate. So, taking the utmost pride in my job: Ten Answers For She Said:
1. If we sleep with you on a first date, are you going to call us? Absolutely, but then after we sleep with you on the second date, we’ll never call you again.
2. Do you really care about lingerie? Without a doubt – for the 15 seconds we allow it to be on your body. For those 15 seconds, we feel like a movie star. Then we remember that shit like that only happens in the movies and the lingerie is coming off.
3. Does it really make you happy when we swallow? Happy? No. Ecstatic? On another planet? Like Elvis Presley? Hell yes, it makes us really, really happy when you swallow. Plus, it saves us both from that whole towel cleanup thing.
4. If you’re not interested in anything more than friendship, then why do you still act like you want to sleep with us? Because a) It’s fun, b) We don’t know what we want, and c) Because the last time I checked there’s still a dick hanging between my legs. Mostly, it’s because that’s what we do. Especially when we have nothing else going on.
5. If you don’t want a relationship, then why do you call us every day? See above.
6. Do you stress about getting it up? Only when it’s time to get it up.
7. How do we really taste (down there)? Depends on how recently you showered, but it will never, ever keep us away.
8. Totally bald, landing strip, or full bush? Everyone has their preference – groomed is usually good – and it’s always nice to be surprised.
9. How do we really look to you in the morning? Better than you think. WAY better than you think.
10. Do we freak you out if we say “I love you” first? You freak us out if you say “I love you” EVER.
I’d like to think that my thoughts and perspective run deeper than your average guy. But that doesn’t mean a thing when it comes to these questions. There’s no doubt that at some basic level all men are the same. Fortunately women share that same basic level. It’s a good thing. It means that, even when we know nothing about each other, we still know something. We just have to learn to admit it to ourselves.
One Response to “Yes, We Want You To Swallow”
Leave a Reply
How Do We Really Taste (Down There)?
When ”He” and I began this journey (and this website) last year, we had a definitive plan. The plan was for me to have full access to something every woman, single, in a relationship or even married, has never had but always wanted - a man’s honest opinion. One that comes without bias, without motive, and without repercussions.
This isn’t possible in everyday life. But here, on these pages, anything is possible.
The plan was simply for me to live the dream of every woman out there… I would get to be me… I would get to date, fall in love, fall out of love, experience joy and occasionally some tears, and along the way a man whom I trust would tell me exactly what he thinks of every move I make, but all without hurting my feelings or affecting our relationship.
So, I’ve been candidly living my life on the pages of this blog, with my best friend along for the ride to help me navigate the sometimes treacherous waters that we call dating.
But there comes a time when I just need to dumb it down. Sometimes, what I really want to know about what a guy thinks may just be the trivial; the little things, the “girlie” questions, if you will. The ones we never want to ask because we don’t want to look stupid or appear undesirable.
Instead of our traditional “here is what happened to Her this week” and “here is what He thinks about it,” we have decided to do something a little different this week.
So without further ado, presenting the first of many installments: Ten Questions For He Said:
1. If we sleep with you on a first date, are you going to call us?
2. Do you really care about lingerie?
3. Does it really make you happy when we swallow?
4. If you’re not interested in anything more than friendship, then why do you still act like you want to sleep with us?
5. If you don’t want a relationship, then why do you call us every day?
6. When you can’t get it up, is it because you’re not attracted to us?
7. How do we really taste (down there)?
8. Totally bald, landing strip, or full bush?
9. How do we really look to you in the morning?
10. Do we freak you out if we say “I love you” first?
Look to your right for the answers. Will I learn anything from them? Will you? Maybe, maybe not. Obviously there are many more questions to be asked and answered, whether it be about dating, sex, love and marriage… We will reveal them in blogs to come.
Oh and, feel free to ask your own in the comment section!
This guy is 100% ON TARGET.