Off The Wagon
There’s something I have to tell you. I’m not proud of what I did. But I couldn’t help it. I’d been trapped at my mom’s for 2 weeks; I missed my friends, my apartment, my own bed… I was lonely. I tried to fight the urge, I really did, but it just got to be too much for me. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I just did it.
I went back on Facebook.
I know what you’re thinking: “Uh oh, this is bad. Don’t you remember what happened last time?” Of course I remember what happened last time, but like I said, I just couldn’t help myself. I needed it. And this time is going to be different, I promise. For starters, I’m being more selective. I deleted like, 150 friends. Who needs all those friends? I don’t. And I deleted all of my pictures. Who needs to look at 200 pictures of me? I don’t. See, I’m already different.
A lot about Facebook has changed. It looks different. It feels different. But what’s not different is the ability to look into the windows of everyone else’s lives. And with its new “privacy” policy it seems that unless they have locked down their profiles (like I did – see, new me), most everyone’s windows don’t have curtains. Though I have to admit, it’s still a thrill. The moment I clicked “reactivate my profile” I got a rush through my veins. It was like putting on my favorite jacket and finding a hot guy’s phone number in the pocket – or maybe a twenty dollar bill.
After almost 5 months away from it, Facebook feels like that ex-boyfriend I dumped but still kind of liked. I broke up with him for specific reasons, but still think about him from time to time. And on a really lonely night (usually over the holidays) I called him for a do-over (because do-over’s don’t change your “number,” remember?) and realized there were still things I liked about him, so I decided to date him again.
Like those exes, I’m sure my rekindled Facebook romance will run its course. They all do – usually by spring. But for now I’m going to revel in my return, which has been quietly noted by a few observant people — for the most part I am seemingly still under the radar. I might actually get away with my new, gentler approach to Facebook… Like those times I snuck beer in my beach bag, or better yet, the time I snuck that guy from the cowboy bar down the side rail of the balcony at my mom’s house. (Bet that shimmy gave him some splinters in his wranglers.)
So is it really wrong for me to do it again? Facebook – not the cowboy.
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Who Needs A Wagon?
I’m disappointed, but not because you went back to Facebook. I’m disappointed because for a minute there, I swear it sounded as if you’d gotten laid.
We both know exactly how I feel about Facebook. I lasted exactly one month, remember? Inventing sudden friendships with people from my past with whom I’d never been friends in the first place? Receiving too much information from the dude I used to work with and whom I’d accepted the friend invite from because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do? Stressing out over what picture of myself to choose for my profile? No freaking thanks.
On the other hand, I think it’s great that you’re back on Facebook. You used to LOVE Facebook. I updated my page once during my entire month as a member. You updated your page every day. (Okay, that might have been a problem.) But I really admired the way you approached the site. Seeing how you effortlessly managed your cyber life was like taking an easy college class on the internet. It also made me feel like much less of the dinosaur I knew I was being… that is, until I bailed on it anyway. For the record, I still haven’t looked back.
But we’re not talking about “He.” We’re talking about “She.”
Not only are you back on Facebook, but you’re back with a whole new way of running things. Yes, your “weakness” as you put it is still a little disconcerting. But the fact that you deleted all those friends and took down all those pictures is joyous evidence of things already being different. It’s as if you’re Phil Jackson and Facebook is The Lakers. It’s larger than life, but you own it. You control it. You will be one step ahead of it from now on. You won’t be regretting something you say or show ever again… you’ll only wonder if the other guy regrets what you just saw and read about him. You won’t be doing any reaching, or asking out this time… from now on, Facebook will be reaching for and asking you. You no longer need cyber validation from 500 people you don’t care about.
Going back to Facebook isn’t remotely an act of weakness on your part. It’s an act of strength. So not only do you have my permission, you have my approval.
Oh and, while you’re there, check out my old girlfriend’s profile… See if she’s dating anybody.
Curiosity killed the cat!!