It’s All In The Set Up
Now that the New Year is upon me, it’s time for all the “chores” that a new year brings. First, I clean out last year’s files, and make fresh folders for this year. I clean my closet, I organize books, movies and CDs, bathroom cupboards, the linen closet… I basically do “spring cleaning” in January. Okay, I do it in the spring too. I think it’s been established that I have a slight obsession with organization and cleanliness. 
At the start of a new year, there is something else I always do. I re-evaluate my dating life. Let’s reflect for a minute on last year… I had a few pretty good dates; there were a couple of do-overs (which don’t count), some mild airplane flirtations, and maybe one or two “no thanks” and of course, the 3rd quarter disaster known as Extra Large Jerk.
All in all, it was not a year for the record books. In fact, I’d rate it kind of boring.
In light of my end of year revelation while playing 24-hour caregiver to my mom, I’m thinking I want this year to be different.
Brace yourself – I think I want to meet someone this year. Someone I might want to keep around for a while.
I know. I said it. Out loud.
So what do I do? My barhopping days are pretty much over, and I was never really a hopper to begin with, so that’s out. Maybe a Happy Hour here or there would be okay, but the idea of sitting at a bar trying to find anything more appealing than my vodka soda seems pretty unlikely. Internet dating? Hmm, been there done that – more than a few times. And frankly, I don’t really have the time for the whole fluffy email romance that for some reason has to go along with it. Let’s see – the gym? I know guys love to meet women at the gym, but for some reason I think those women look a little different than I do. For starters, I don’t wear a scrap of makeup when I work out – because I’m working OUT – not working IT. Oh yeah, and due to last year’s money saving resolution, I gave up my fancy gym membership for the gym known as the great outdoors – and Tony Horton. (Which by the way, I think I kind of have a crush on the one-legged guy in the Plyometrics video.)
All of this leaves me with one new solution – my friends. I think it’s about time my friends stepped up. That’s right, it’s time for those near and dear to dust off their phone books and find me a man! So I sent them all an email. It wasn’t a plea, just a little nudge, shall we say – with a photo attached – a damn good one, I might add.
I could swear I just heard you groan.
“Is this for real or for a writing project?” one asked. Well, it’s for real, but if it makes for a good story… you know me. “Sorry, I don’t know anyone straight.” said another. “What about racial, religious, employment-status limitations?” another asked. Bring it on!
I have nothing to lose, right? After all, I don’t have to marry any of them. Unless…
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Set Me Up… To Fail
Hey, we ALL do a little re-organizing and re-evaluating when the New Year rolls around. You shouldn’t feel the least bit strange or alone in your quest to clean the slate of any old business or any old habits you’re determined to discard. Where you lose me is with the dating philosophy re-evaluation. Maybe it’s because I don’t even have a policy to re-evaluate. But what I really think is that it’s purely a chick thing. If I was a woman, I think I’d understand. If I was a woman, I think I’d applaud your new approach. Thank God I’m not a woman.
Educate me. Is it really as simple as enlisting your friends to set you up on blind dates? If it were that easy, wouldn’t you have opted for this plan a while ago? Like 2002? I can just imagine sitting in a room or at a bar with a bunch of my male friends, talking about women (it’s either that or sports)… If one of us were to dare ask the rest to give major thought and consideration to setting us up on a date with a single friend of theirs, the ball-busting would immediately take hold, in earnest. That dude would never hear the end of it. That dude would spend the rest of his life wishing he’d never shared his idea with anyone.
And maybe that’s the problem. Maybe the difference between how women see the world of relationships and how men see the world of relationships is as wide as Lake Michigan, and twice as deep, with each gender occupying a different shore. It’s no wonder we’re all so rarely on the same page when it comes to men, women and what it takes to bring us together. Sometimes I think it’s even more of a shock that men and women come together as often, and as happily as they do.
So what’s next? And before I go further, understand one thing… I actually do understand. When you evaluate the relationship options we have in this life, calling on your friends is hardly the worst way to go. And compared to internet dating, well you know my feelings on that concept. As for your Aunt’s bridge partner’s grandson, well we both know that’s purely a sitcom plot, nothing more. So I get it. You have lots of friends. They wouldn’t be your friends if they didn’t “get it.” If only 30% of them come through for you, that’s a solid 9 or 10 dates with a brand new man over the next six months. The choices they make for you may be completely off base. The options they offer may be as full of good intention as they are devoid of chemistry. This is the chance you take when calling on your friends. But if you can’t trust your friends, who can you trust?
As for me? I recommend Whole Foods, around lunch time. Healthy, attractive people with enough money to watch what they eat and enough education to read the label. Let us not forget the best part… it’s unplanned. It’s random. I’m hardly an expert on the subject of love (who is?), but one thing I’m pretty sure I’ve learned about it over the years is that you can’t predict it and you can’t plan it. The man you finally fall in love with and the man you finally trust is no more likely to be in a friend’s rolodex than he is to be in a fender-bender. As long as you never lose sight of that, anything is possible.
BTW, don’t you have any good-looking friends that would like to meet me?
