Smile High Club

This is one of the many areas where you and I are different. I don’t travel very much… Pretty much everyone I know travels much more frequently than I do and pretty much everyone I know LOVES to travel. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate traveling by any means, but I’m just not sure I LOVE it.

I guess it could have something to do with my childhood. When I was a kid, traveling meant an 18-hour car ride with the entire family, in a car with no air conditioning. When I was a kid, traveling didn’t mean Bermuda or Hawaii — it meant Upstate or down South.

When I got older, I quickly stumbled into the standard trap: When I had the time to travel, I didn’t have the money, and when I had the money to travel, I no longer had the time. I think you travel more in one year than I will in a lifetime.

This doesn’t mean I don’t hear you loud and clear when it comes to your adventures in traveling. Something about traveling lends itself to mystery and intrigue, and you literally can have a different experience every time. Whenever I travel, all I do the entire flight is check out the opposite sex and allow my vivid imagination to wander freely. It’s like a free movie on the plane, without the tiny screen to squint at. More often than not, I’ll picture a total stranger of a woman seated across the aisle as either the love of my life, the best sex of my life or, in a perfect world, both.

And when I travel, the best moments are tucked safely inside my head. For short stretches, I can bitch to myself about the delays or the legroom, but my mind eventually returns to the college girl in the tight jeans, or the business woman in the $2,000 suit in complete command of her space. It’s no wonder you average multiple encounters with the opposite sex per flight. You’re both an adventurer, and a romantic. But you’re also a woman. God help you on this hat trick.

What about the Mile High Club? I can’t believe in all of our sex conversations over the years (talking about sex, not talking during sex). Have you ever done that? Knowing you as I think I do, I’m putting my money on yes. I can honestly say I haven’t. I guess there’s a certain amount of adrenaline that flows through the concept of having sex in the plane’s lavatory, but now that I’ve gotten this far in my life without the adventure, I can’t see myself opting against it the rest of the way. We’ve all been in an airplane bathroom. Plus, I’m 6-3. ‘Nuff said.

Unless, of course she looks like Jessica Alba… then all bets are off.

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