Pay Or Play?
Sorry about the delay in posting… I’ve been traveling, and “He Said” is, well – a guy.
So, I know you’re all wondering what happened to my cruisin’ crush…
Those in my life who know me well know one thing for certain; I don’t like to miss an opportunity – especially when it comes to dating. I’m definitely one of those “What if?” people. So of course I went home that night thinking, “Oh crap, what if he goes home, tries to find me on Facebook, realizes I’m not there and then goes on his merry way?” Okay, that sounded totally desperate. I’m not that desperate. But in the land of missed mating opportunities, this would go down as one that was completely in my control.
So it should come as no surprise that I took control. I couldn’t resist. I know all of my “rules” friends will be pissed, and will say that I should have let him be “creative” and figure out how to find me, but I’m unlisted (due to an unfortunate stalker situation in the late 90’s). Of course someone can always find me, but not my number (unless they hire a P.I). Plus, we’ve established that just for shits and grins, I continually allow men to make absolutely no effort whatsoever. Just kidding. Sort of.
Back in the old days, if a man and a woman wanted to meet, they simply had a friend coordinate the meeting. Good thing for me, I have friends who weren’t dumb enough to cancel their Facebook accounts. It worked like a charm. I simply went on her account, sent him a message explaining who I was and then, like magic – a message appeared in my inbox. If only the rest of my life were so easy.
“Fancy running into you! I almost never smile at girls in cars like that. And you have a beautiful smile.” Oh yeah, that worked like a charm. He remembered me, remember my writing, we emailed back and forth for a few days, and then came the email I expected – I affectionately call it – “The Disclaimer.”
“I’d love to take you out for a drink if you’d be interested… I’m not much of a dater, not really in relationship mode at this point in my life, but if you’re down to just hang out I’d love it.”
I’m sorry – did I ask you to marry me? You don’t even have my phone number – do you really need to break up with me before we’ve even swapped spit? Seriously, do girls really freak you guys out so much that you need to make sure you’re not required to ever see us again after committing to one drink? He clearly has never met me – that’s the part I make incredibly easy.
One would think that this little exchange would turn me off, but I did one more thing – I Googled him. He’s younger – MUCH younger. Things just got even more interesting. But I guess that explains the disclaimer. He’s at that young, “I’m going to try to be honest with girls” stage. Either that or that line gets him laid a lot.
Hmm, never been a cougar. I’m in! Or should I say, “I’m down.”
One Response to “Pay Or Play?”
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Opportunity Knocks?
Ah, the disclaimer… guys don’t just give women the disclaimer; we give the disclaimer to each other ALL THE TIME.
“It’s not serious at all and that’s what I like about it.”
“She can only get away from her husband once in a while, so it’s perfect for me.”
“It’s not like I’d ever fall in love with her or anything.”
Usually, we’re telling the absolute truth. It’s NOT serious. It’s NOT love. If you knew women the way we know women, you’d feel the same way. Every once in a while – if he’s lucky, it’s a little more than that — or a lot more than that. It’s not that we’re lying to each other about it… we’re simply lying to ourselves, fishing for some support and validation along the way.
Having said this, and given the impression that I don’t necessarily fancy myself the czar of disclaimers, what this guy was saying to you was 100%, absolute and pure disclaimer. You can’t take this personally. If anything, you should be relieved. He’s been practicing this speech for years now, and for good reason… try as he might, this guy simply cannot fall in love with a woman. He’s tried, really hard at times, and he’s come close, really close before, but he’s never truly been in love. The bad part is that it’s starting to define him. I can’t think of many things worse than being defined by never having been in love, can you? Consider yourself fortunate. Driving separate cars at a red light for 45 seconds is the closest you’ll ever need to get to this guy. I hope I’m wrong, because there truly is nothing more pathetic than a man out of his twenties who’s never been in love before.
So what’s up with the age thing? You’re not exactly middle-aged yourself – YET. Don’t you have to be middle-aged to be considered a true cougar? If this dude is a couple of years (or more) younger than you, I say go for it. Maybe his disclaimer isn’t for him… maybe it’s for you. Maybe he’s telling you that, while he’s not looking for anything special right now, he sure is looking for someone like you. Maybe he’s trying to come up with a more subtle, yet still direct approach to let you know that he can almost guarantee you’ll have a really good time with him. Couldn’t we all stand having a little more fun these days? Maybe it’s working. Maybe the fact that he’s younger and not interested in getting serious works for you as much, if not more than it works for him.
So what’s a nice girl like you to do at a time like this? Shed a little dignity for a healthy dose of physical satisfaction? Feign disinterest while clinging to some fabricated ideal of intimacy, her libido howling at the moon? There really is no winning answer. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I can only tell you what I often tell myself: Trust your gut, because when it comes to women (or in your case, men) you’re going to need your gut’s approval anyway.
Thanks “Him”!!!
Finally an honest explanation about “the male disclaimer phenomenon!” I feel like one of the great mysteries of all time has just been solved. And as I’ve learned about men…the explanation isn’t so complicated. I totally get it.
And, by the way, I’m one of those “rules” chicks but I say “go for it,” too…