Opportunity Knocks?
December 10th, 2009Ah, the disclaimer… guys don’t just give women the disclaimer; we give the disclaimer to each other ALL THE TIME.
“It’s not serious at all and that’s what I like about it.”
“She can only get away from her husband once in a while, so it’s perfect for me.”
“It’s not like I’d ever fall in love with her or anything.”
Usually, we’re telling the absolute truth. It’s NOT serious. It’s NOT love. If you knew women the way we know women, you’d feel the same way. Every once in a while – if he’s lucky, it’s a little more than that — or a lot more than that. It’s not that we’re lying to each other about it… we’re simply lying to ourselves, fishing for some support and validation along the way.
Having said this, and given the impression that I don’t necessarily fancy myself the czar of disclaimers, what this guy was saying to you was 100%, absolute and pure disclaimer. You can’t take this personally. If anything, you should be relieved. He’s been practicing this speech for years now, and for good reason… try as he might, this guy simply cannot fall in love with a woman. He’s tried, really hard at times, and he’s come close, really close before, but he’s never truly been in love. The bad part is that it’s starting to define him. I can’t think of many things worse than being defined by never having been in love, can you? Consider yourself fortunate. Driving separate cars at a red light for 45 seconds is the closest you’ll ever need to get to this guy. I hope I’m wrong, because there truly is nothing more pathetic than a man out of his twenties who’s never been in love before.
So what’s up with the age thing? You’re not exactly middle-aged yourself – YET. Don’t you have to be middle-aged to be considered a true cougar? If this dude is a couple of years (or more) younger than you, I say go for it. Maybe his disclaimer isn’t for him… maybe it’s for you. Maybe he’s telling you that, while he’s not looking for anything special right now, he sure is looking for someone like you. Maybe he’s trying to come up with a more subtle, yet still direct approach to let you know that he can almost guarantee you’ll have a really good time with him. Couldn’t we all stand having a little more fun these days? Maybe it’s working. Maybe the fact that he’s younger and not interested in getting serious works for you as much, if not more than it works for him.
So what’s a nice girl like you to do at a time like this? Shed a little dignity for a healthy dose of physical satisfaction? Feign disinterest while clinging to some fabricated ideal of intimacy, her libido howling at the moon? There really is no winning answer. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I can only tell you what I often tell myself: Trust your gut, because when it comes to women (or in your case, men) you’re going to need your gut’s approval anyway.
