One Thing Leads To Another
I’d like to conduct a little exercise. For one day, I’d like every person to do what they say and say what they mean – when it comes to dating.
I know what you’re saying – Oh no, what happened now? Well, it’s not one thing specifically, more like a host of things. It all started with a mistake on my part. No shock there, we all know I’m the queen of the faux pas. Allow me to give a little background…
I have a best friend from childhood. And when I say childhood, I mean we have been friends since we were 2 years old. This girl has been in my life as long as I can remember. And for as long as I can remember, I have done exactly as she has suggested – because I’m scared of her. Well no, actually it’s because I trust her implicitly and I respect her opinion. With the exception of one area – dating.
When it comes to dating, my friend’s famous line has always been, “To win you, he needs to woo you.” I never believed her. If only I had listened. In my entire dating career (yep, after 20 years single it’s now a career), no one has ever had to woo me; in fact I practically wrap myself in a big bow and award them first prize – me. I’ve actually mocked her over the years. I’ve teased her about how long she’s been married, that things aren’t really like that anymore, that it’s a different world out there. After all, she met her husband in tenth grade. But I have to admit now, I think she’s right. No, I know she’s right. And I’m definitely, completely, 100% wrong.
True to form I did something she always says never, ever to do. I called a guy after a date. (Yep, we’re talking about Blind Date Guy again.) Granted, he had called (okay, he texted) to tell me that he had a great time on our date, but I then broke her cardinal rule and technically asked him out for the next date. I thought I was being cool, kind of “throwing it out there” but not formally being the one asking him out. I guess I was anything but cool, and I looked like a total idiot. “Would have loved to” he said, “But I already have plans. Let’s get together next week or the week after for sure.” Shit. What a jackass I am. I could literally hear her voice in my head saying, “Have I taught you NOTHING all these years?”
So do I regret asking him? Not really. I pride myself on being the girl who goes with her gut, but I guess in hindsight I should have waited until things in my gut were a little clearer cut. You know, like a year from now if I were still seeing him. Then it would be okay to ask him out. Kidding. Sort of.
Here’s my theory: If everyone would spend a day doing what they say and saying what they mean, here’s how that conversation would have gone instead:
Me: “Hi, I had a really great time the other night and that kiss made me feel like you might actually like me. I didn’t want to make concrete plans for the weekend just in case you were maybe going to ask me out. Truthfully I’d rather have the chance to go out with you again than waste my time with anyone else.”
Him: “Hey, thanks for calling me. I really did have a great time with you, and I know I kissed you like I really liked you. You’re a great kisser. To tell you the truth, I did it because I was thinking you would take your clothes off and have sex me. And since you didn’t, I’m going to stick with that other girl who I’ve been dating because I don’t have to take her out to dinner anymore and she still comes over and bangs me anytime I want.”
Do I think that’s really how he feels? I’m not sure. But what I am sure about is that when you’re dating (man or woman) you spend a lot of time not saying what you should say, and even more time doing what you shouldn’t do. Would I actually want it any other way?
I guess if everyone were doing what they say, and saying what they mean, it wouldn’t be called “dating.”
It would be called “Heaven.”
2 Responses to “One Thing Leads To Another”
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Relax – Don’t Do It
The first thing I have to do before replying is release something rapidly building inside of me – Hahahahaha.
OK, I feel better now… And don’t think for even a minute that I’m laughing AT you, because I’m not, and you know it. I am, however, laughing at the fact that you think that conversation has only been a one-way street. Not to mention your dead-on interpretation of Blind Date Guy. I don’t think there are many men who could have said it any better than you did for him. Which I guess is why women have been speaking for men for years, whether we like it or not. Did I just say that?
Isn’t this, in a nutshell why dating truly sucks? Is it any wonder that something based on a foundation of interpretation and innuendo would almost always be so disappointing and depressing? Is it really surprising that something driven so much more by words than by action would ultimately leave us thoroughly confused? It’s so ironic. There’s really nothing more important in life than love, right? Yet, as bad as dating can be, it still seems to be the best way we can all think of to find it. In most cases, it’s the only way. Unless they bring back arranged marriages… I’m beginning to think that might be the answer for you. Just kidding… but have you thought about drawing up a dowry, just in case?
I think you know me well enough by now to know that, for the most part I do what I say and I almost always say what I mean. And if I can’t say what I mean, for whatever reason (total lack of courage), then I won’t say anything at all. Will I tell a woman the truth when I’m not into her, even though she’s made it very clear that she’s into me? Doubtful. But does this make me a jerk and a liar, or simply a nice guy? Maybe not so nice when I opt for the alternative of not returning her calls and being “really busy” at work, but what’s a man supposed to do? Women don’t want to hear the truth. They’d rather be left dangling and confused, because it leaves open the slimmest of possibilities that a man actually does like her and simply didn’t get her voicemail… or text… or e-mail… or brick through his front window. It sounds lousy, but is looking her in the eye and telling her she’s too boring or whiny or fat really better for either one of us? I don’t think so.
Besides, when I do like a woman I totally make up for the above withholding of truth. When I truly like a woman I won’t hesitate to tell her how fantastic she is and how crazy I am about her. I’ll say “I love you,” before most men invite a woman over for dinner (except, of course for Blind Date Guy). I’ll tell her she’s beautiful and intelligent and sexy. I’ll tell her she has the sexiest index finger I’ve ever seen and that no one has ever spelled “inconsequential” with as much poise and grace as she does. I have no problem doling out flattery and admiration to a woman when I like her. Maybe for those other women, am I an asshole for not flat out saying, “You talk too much and I like brunettes.” Perhaps they’re right. But I choose to think that makes me more of a gentleman rather than an asshole.
If everyone lived a day in your wishful “Say what you mean world,” it would go something like this: “When do you plan on talking about something I actually give a shit about?”
“Are you trying to be annoying, or does it just come naturally to you?”
“Maybe that top used to fit you, but it sure doesn’t anymore.”
“No, I don’t want to have dinner with your airhead girlfriends who aren’t good-looking and hate men. In fact, I’d rather not go to dinner at all. How about you come over and wait on me while I watch the game, then you can have sex with me and go home so I can get some sleep.”
I think it’s probably a good thing we that we don’t live in that world.
I’m too old to comment on this!!! But one thing I know for sure, I would NEVER call a guy and ask him out. DEFINITELY no kiss deserves SEX~~~maybe ICE would get him to first base. Perhaps when he is through with his “no dinner/sex date” YOU WILL HAVE OTHER PLANS!!!!! Even in a marriage no one is doing what they say, and saying what they mean.
First, you’re NEVER too old to comment on anything! Second, if you’re married that means they DID at least one thing they said they would do!
Keep the comments coming!