One Thing Leads To Another

I’d like to conduct a little exercise. For one day, I’d like every person to do what they say and say what they mean – when it comes to dating.

I know what you’re saying – Oh no, what happened now? Well, it’s not one thing specifically, more like a host of things. It all started with a mistake on my part. No shock there, we all know I’m the queen of the faux pas. Allow me to give a little background…

I have a best friend from childhood. And when I say childhood, I mean we have been friends since we were 2 years old. This girl has been in my life as long as I can remember. And for as long as I can remember, I have done exactly as she has suggested – because I’m scared of her. Well no, actually it’s because I trust her implicitly and I respect her opinion. With the exception of one area – dating.

When it comes to dating, my friend’s famous line has always been, “To win you, he needs to woo you.” I never believed her. If only I had listened. In my entire dating career (yep, after 20 years single it’s now a career), no one has ever had to woo me; in fact I practically wrap myself in a big bow and award them first prize – me. I’ve actually mocked her over the years. I’ve teased her about how long she’s been married, that things aren’t really like that anymore, that it’s a different world out there. After all, she met her husband in tenth grade. But I have to admit now, I think she’s right. No, I know she’s right. And I’m definitely, completely, 100% wrong.

True to form I did something she always says never, ever to do. I called a guy after a date. (Yep, we’re talking about Blind Date Guy again.) Granted, he had called (okay, he texted) to tell me that he had a great time on our date, but I then broke her cardinal rule and technically asked him out for the next date. I thought I was being cool, kind of “throwing it out there” but not formally being the one asking him out. I guess I was anything but cool, and I looked like a total idiot. “Would have loved to” he said, “But I already have plans. Let’s get together next week or the week after for sure.” Shit. What a jackass I am. I could literally hear her voice in my head saying, “Have I taught you NOTHING all these years?”

So do I regret asking him? Not really. I pride myself on being the girl who goes with her gut, but I guess in hindsight I should have waited until things in my gut were a little clearer cut. You know, like a year from now if I were still seeing him. Then it would be okay to ask him out. Kidding. Sort of.

Here’s my theory: If everyone would spend a day doing what they say and saying what they mean, here’s how that conversation would have gone instead:

Me: “Hi, I had a really great time the other night and that kiss made me feel like you might actually like me. I didn’t want to make concrete plans for the weekend just in case you were maybe going to ask me out. Truthfully I’d rather have the chance to go out with you again than waste my time with anyone else.”

Him: “Hey, thanks for calling me. I really did have a great time with you, and I know I kissed you like I really liked you. You’re a great kisser. To tell you the truth, I did it because I was thinking you would take your clothes off and have sex me. And since you didn’t, I’m going to stick with that other girl who I’ve been dating because I don’t have to take her out to dinner anymore and she still comes over and bangs me anytime I want.”

Do I think that’s really how he feels? I’m not sure. But what I am sure about is that when you’re dating (man or woman) you spend a lot of time not saying what you should say, and even more time doing what you shouldn’t do. Would I actually want it any other way?

I guess if everyone were doing what they say, and saying what they mean, it wouldn’t be called “dating.”

It would be called “Heaven.”

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