Never Say Never
Once upon a time… There was a man. He was a good man. And he wasn’t simply a good man. He was an interesting man. He was a sexy man. He wasn’t common and he was available. In short, he was the kind of man a woman of substance would allow herself to give serious consideration. However, there was one problem with this man. He wouldn’t ask a woman out. Truth be told, he couldn’t ask a woman out. It was his fatal flaw. He could talk to a woman, it’s even safe to say he could usually charm a woman, but no matter how obvious the picture nor how golden the opportunity, he simply was paralyzed when it came to asking a woman, any woman out for a date.
Women like your married friend drive me crazy. They have more rules than the pentagon. They’re more concerned with territorial protection than they are with emotional satisfaction. They learned at around age 8 that their best shot at a good life was with the right man, and they never forgot it.
So this interesting and sexy man went about his daily business, quietly and simply. He rarely met women through work and he refused to even consider blind dating, speed dating, online dating or any other modern form of dating. Every once in a great while, an impromptu encounter would flow so easily that he’d find himself committed to a date with a woman without even knowing how it happened. As often as not, those situations would leave him even more cynical than before.
Why not ask out a man? In fact, are you kidding me? Are you trying to tell me that in this day and age, women should still never ask a man out? You see, that’s the problem with women, and why it’s so much better to be a man. Women listen to each other, and women know very little about men. Talk about the blind leading the blind… it’s more like the deaf, dumb AND blind leading their ignorant followers. Listen to me on this subject, and listen closely. There is NOTHING WRONG with a woman asking out a man. In fact, there’s EVERYTHING RIGHT with it. Not only is it ballsy and cool, it’s also sexy as hell. Whether I’m standing in line at the supermarket, sitting at the bar eating dinner or working out at the gym, it never sucks to have a woman ask me out.
Tell your friend who’s been married since the age of six that she has no idea what she’s talking about. Asking a man out is about as smooth and unique a move as a woman can make. And if anyone’s gut directs her toward smooth and unique when it comes to men, it’s you.
Just don’t make a habit of it.
2 Responses to “Never Say Never”
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The Cat Lady
Apparently something I said in my last entry was not well-received. Who knew that the masses shared exactly the same opinion as my childhood friend, Mrs. Perfect Marriage? According to all of YOU, I made a big mistake asking out Blind Date Guy. According to all of you, I should never, ever, ask out a guy, even if I’m dying and a date is the only thing that will save my life. In fact, according to all of you, no woman should ask out a man. Ever.
I just saw my life flash before my eyes. And it looked damn lonely.
Is that really right? Have women really not made the social stride of being the aggressor every once in a while? We can burn our bras but we can’t dial a number? Excuse me, but WHAT THE *#$!? Do you realize that if a woman never called a man and put forth an idea for an evening that important people in this country might never have been born? Like for instance, ME!
This is completely and utterly disturbing to me. I know I was teasing about my friend being old-fashioned, I know I making a lot of dating mistakes and constantly make my jokes about needing to sit back and be wooed, but c’mon, am I really NEVER supposed to even suggest making plans with a guy? Am I never supposed to offer to cook him dinner? Never supposed to offer to pick him up when he takes his car in? Never supposed to suggest a movie? Never supposed to ask him to go to the gym with me? (Okay, I probably would never do that but it sounded good.)
And what if I get invited somewhere with a “plus-one” – huh, smart people? What about that?
In fact, that very thing just happened. I was invited to a work party, with a plus-one. It was supposed to be a really fun party too, meaning free booze. So I asked Mrs. Perfect Marriage what to do. She said, “Don’t ask Blind Date Guy, it’s too soon.” Okay wait, so I’m actually given written permission on an invitation to ask someone out but now there are rules for that too? “Ask someone else,” she said, “like someone who you have already gone out with.” Newsflash – if I’ve already gone out with them, and I’m not going out with them at the present time, and I am currently interested in someone new, chances are I don’t WANT to go out with them again. But I guess that goes back to my do-over rule of a previous post. They don’t count. So if you’re keeping score Ladies, the only men you CAN ask out are the ones you don’t want to go out with anymore.
For the record, I did invite someone “from the shelf” and I finally heard back from him – AFTER the party.
No wonder single women my age have so many cats.
2 Responses to “The Cat Lady”
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Anonymous says: says:
There is no such thing as “Mrs. Perfect Marriage”, because there is no “PERFECT MARRIAGE”. Anyone that tells you their marriage is perfect is blowing smoke you know where!!!!
You absolutely could ask someone out, or invite them to your house for dinner, just don’t seem “needy” to him.
By the way you didn’t mention if your “plus-one” was Blind Date Guy?-
Clarification – she definitely doesn’t claim her marriage is perfect – I do! And “perfect” may be a strong word, but she has the best marriage out of anyone I know.
My plus one was not Blind Date Guy – I didn’t ask him!
I actually didn’t go.
~Her
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I just can’t let this one go by without responding.
I know this is ridiculous but I think “He” is full of shit. It’s a classic male answer—sure, on paper, it’s cool as shit to ask out a man, yeah I love it and support it. But when it comes down to reality, I would guess he’d balk if it happened to him. Seriously. I’m not saying after x amount of dates with someone that it’s not OK to ask out a guy…but you’ve got to get past the x amount of dates. It’s got to be when picking up the phone to call the guy doesn’t involve any nervousness because hands down you know he’s into you. Until then, I’m with your old fashioned friend. Now….I’m good with calling a guy and putting yourself in a situation that makes it easier for him to ask you out…but I agree…I don’t think you should ask the guy out. And I don’t think it’s “old fashioned” I think it’s genetics. All species have mating rituals. And for generation after generation it’s the same thing. Whether it’s poofing up feathers or fighting or whatever, it’s always the same. Who the hell are we to think there aren’t some biological rituals at play every time boy meets girl? So instead of looking at it as being a “weak” position and women should be stronger, maybe it helps to think about being part of a beautifully choreographed dance that has been going on for generation after generation?
My two cents….
If this is such a “beautifully choreographed dance,” then why does everybody keep stepping on each other’s toes?
Clearly this subject deserves more attention from us — and that’s exactly what you’re going to get.
Stay tuned!
~ Him