Reunited And It Feels So… Nothing

We haven’t talked about this, but I do have a day job. It’s freelance, so I don’t work with the same people all the time. Today I happen to be working with 3 men who have seen me naked. You heard me – that would be three, count ‘em three ex-boyfriends at work with me today. I guess I never took the “Don’t shit where you eat” advice to heart. At different stages in my life, I was crazy about these men. (At least I think I was.) Yet, what do I feel seeing them today? Nothing. I feel absolutely nothing. Not a butterfly, not a pang, not even embarrassment (which is what I usually feel). Instead, I feel nothing at all.

Walking in, it was like I was moving down a receiving line of bad memories. Not that the relationships ended poorly (okay, maybe one did), but I don’t need to spend the day with any of them, and not in a million years would I want them comparing notes. I could almost hear them as I walked away – “Did you tap that? Yeah, did you? Yeah, did you? Wait, you too?” My only solace was that I look damn good today – both coming and going. The guys actually don’t look so bad either. In fact, they almost look better than they did when I dated them. One of them is married now. I think he was the one who hugged me the tightest.

In light of my current horny state, one would think the possibility of 3 ex-boyfriends happy to see me would be a welcomed situation. It’s kind of like being able to swing at a piñata without a blindfold on. Basically anywhere you hit, candy will just pour out. Sleeping with an ex is so easy. Because as we all know, sleeping with an ex doesn’t add to your number of lifetime sex partners. It’s like having a free sex pass. You could sleep with 1000 guys, but if you sleep with an ex, and you’d still be at 1000. (No, I haven’t slept with a thousand guys – I was just making a point.) My point being, an ex is pretty much “do-over” sex. There’s none of that “Will he call me after” apprehension, you’re not self-conscious of your naked body parts because he’s already seen it, and there’s no chance of you looking like a slut because you’ve already been there, done that. At best, it’s a great reminder of what was good about your relationship. At worst, it’s a great reminder of why you broke up.

I guess it’s a good thing I don’t feel anything. Call it a near-miss.

Oh and, the blind date guy called yesterday.

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