Size Matters
I just got dumped. I know you’re thinking, “Wait, she has a boyfriend?” Okay, so maybe I don’t tell you everything. It was a pretty new relationship, so I didn’t want to debut it to the masses quite yet. But I liked him. I really, really liked him. Until tonight. Until he dumped me.
Because apparently, I’m fat.
Here’s the thing. I’m NOT fat. Yes, I’m a curvy girl. Yes, I have boobs (34D). Yes, I have a butt. BUT, I have a 27 inch waist, I work out every day, and I’m a size 8. I know in today’s standards one must be a size 2 to get noticed, but I’m pretty sure I get noticed. And from what you’ve read so far in this blog, I think you’d agree.
So why did he dump me? Mind you, this guy was no physical prize. He was soft at best, hairy as a monkey from top to bottom (on both sides), and I think my biceps are bigger than his. But I was totally into him. I was into him because for once, I thought I had met someone who I connected with intellectually – someone witty, who looked at life the way it should be looked at – with humor and a light heart. I guess what I didn’t realize is that he also looked at life with a size 2 magnifying glass.
I keep going over the weeks in my head. Great dinner dates – check. Great conversations – check. Great sex – check. And laughter – lots of it – check. I’m seriously scratching my head on this one. It’s not that I haven’t been dumped before, I have. But, never have I been dumped in such a blatant superficial way. And what totally gets me, what absolutely messes with my brain, is that I know I’m no Angelina, but this guy was no Brad Pitt either.
So now I analyze, right? Think about what the rest of my life would have been like with him. Think about how lucky I am that I found out what an asshole he really was this early on, before things got too serious. Found out that he wasn’t the right guy before he met my friends and family – oh wait, he did. Crap.
As hurt as I am, I guess in a way I’m relieved.
Because his penis was really, really small.
One Response to “Size Matters”
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Size: Extra-Large… Jerk
I wasn’t thinking, “Wait, she has a boyfriend?” That’s because I was sitting next to the dude at the ballgame two weeks ago, remember?
I had a great time talking baseball with him. His stories of attending games at every stadium in the country were cracking me up. When I busted his balls (as I’m wont to do) he was all over it and giving it back to me in all good fun. I thought he was a really good guy. I also thought he looked older than his age, a pudgy frame and receding hairline fueling this perception. I also remember thinking you looked really good that night and I was proud of you for looking that good while also looking as if you barely paid it a thought. At the end of the night, I remember seeing the two of you leaning against the car, side-by-side and canoodling. I remember thinking to myself at that moment, “She’s so much better looking a woman than he is a man.”
So I’m having a hard time seeing how he decided you weren’t good-looking enough for him. Maybe I should show him the picture I took of you two that night. Your smile is leaping off the photo. He looks like a nervous accountant. The fact that this particular guy felt justified in voicing unhappiness with your size when he should have been thanking his lucky stars a good-looking chick like you even thought about getting naked with him says way more about him than it does about you.
But you know this. You know all this. Dealing with what you know is not a problem for you. Dealing with how you feel digs much deeper, I’m sure. And that’s the part that may fuck you up for a while.
We’re all entitled to our most hurt feelings… if it takes you a year to get over this, I’ll be here next year, at this time. It won’t. I won’t let it. Better yet, you won’t let it. The true good that will come from this will be you deciding you’re a bigger woman than this…
That, and not having to deal with his small penis anymore.
What a sad person he is. This has nothing to do with you girlfriend YOU are HOT!!! I am not a protective friend, just one that has survived the same abusive BS because I realized a few years back that I married a man who has a very low self-esteem.
Well let’s see.
Elizabeth Hurley HOT… Prostitute UGLY.
Sienna Miller- HOT… Nanny not even comparable. So pick yourself up sister because this is so not about you this is his problem. He can not accept himself. I wonder if his first marriage broke off because he had a wife with a crooked toe. F@^@ him.
Look at this as a blessing in disguise.