Gimme Some Sugar… Daddy
Remind me not to fall in love with you when I turn 60…
So what’s a poor girl to do? Women crack me up, they really do… You (not you, per se, but the collective you) spend your whole childhood dreaming of the fairytale – Mr. Right, and all the fantastic qualities he will possess. Then he actually does come along, and he actually does possess those qualities, but the package simply isn’t going to cut it because there’s one piece that doesn’t fit… He’s too old.
Before going any further, let me make something very clear: Choosing not to be with a man because he was born two decades earlier than you is the absolute right call. What do we think whenever we see a middle-aged and older guy with a much younger woman? He’s loaded, she’s a pathetic gold-digger and what little sex they have is no fuss, no muss. You’re the last woman I know who would compromise her romantic beliefs in exchange for a country club membership.
Quick aside: “Make sure you find a man who loves you more than you love him???” Would you mind giving me her phone number? Satan will be visiting from hell next week and I think he would like her. But still…
Let’s face it, there’s no shortage of women in this life who would jump at the possibilities you’re willing to turn down. What rankles is when the roles are reversed. When we turn down a woman because she isn’t pretty or sexy or young enough (um, hello, didn’t you just get dumped?) you rip us to shreds. Shallow… pathetic… disgusting… these are the terms you choose to describe us to your friends and co-workers. Why is it all right for you to want sex with someone who’s younger and leaner and doesn’t need medical assistance to rock your body, but when we want the same thing we’re all creeps? I guess nobody ever said the world of men and women was going to make sense.
Yes, you should feel a little like a hypocrite – but only a little. And it’s a hell of a lot better than what you’d be if you’d gone in the opposite direction. So do me a favor, don’t stop dreaming. One of us still should.
Leave a Reply
Who’s Your Daddy?
So there’s this guy who’s in love with me. I don’t mean that to sound conceited. I think we all know I’m a pretty self-deprecating girl – but this guy is in love with me. He’s smart. He’s funny. He’s successful and filthy rich. He calls me every day, treats me to fancy dinners, buys me gifts, he even gives me great career advice… You name it – he would do it for me. (And he sure rises to the occasion when I get dumped.) I know what you’re thinking – what’s wrong with him? Why don’t I want him?
He’s 60.
Now, I’m not a girl who gets hung up on age. It’s only a number right? In fact, given the choice I almost always go for the older guy. But this guy is SIXTY. He has white hair. He has ex-wives. (Yes, that was plural.) He has kids my age. And he’s not even a young sixty. He’s your average, typical sixty.
I’m in my late thirties. I know I’m no spring chicken, but I think I might still want a kid or two someday. And I want those kids to have a father who they won’t have to push in a wheelchair when they’re 10 years old. I don’t want strangers to look at my child, look at my husband and say, “Oh, your granddaughter is so beautiful.”
I am also a woman who actually enjoys sex, and all the dirty, crazy, fun stuff that goes with it. I’m sorry, but I want at least a few more years of it without blue pills, incontinence, and snoring. (Although a few 40 year-olds do come to mind with that scenario.) Yes, I know great sex still happens after 60. My grandmother had sex until she was 90 and loved to talk about it, much to my dismay. And I’m sure millions of people over 60 are going to be offended by this whole conversation.
The thing is… I know if I gave in, if I was actually with this guy, all of my financial worries would be over. But I would feel guilty. It’s not totally a physical issue. I’m just not in love with the guy. One of my married girlfriends always says, “Make sure you find a man who loves you more than you love him.” But I don’t want that. I want to love my man as much as he loves me. There I go dreaming again.
I feel like such a hypocrite when I say I have no problem if a guy is 50, or even 55.
SIXTY. I just can’t do it.
Okay, so I’m getting some grief for this post… To better explain myself, it’s not truly 60 that I have a problem with, it’s THIS 60 year-old. Is there a 60 year old out there who I might fall in love with? Doubtful. But definitely not this one, and that was my point. – Her
[...] there is always the sneaking suspicion that sex is always somehow on the agenda. Case in point, The Sixty Year Old. Remember, I wrote about him a while ago. I should have known being friends with him would blow up [...]