Feed the Kitty
Shoot me now…better yet, shoot any pet that requires joint custody… best of all, shoot any grown man or woman that engages in a custody battle over any creature with four legs.
I’m no Michael Vick, and I do indeed agree that a dog is a man’s best friend, but do these people really exist? Of course I know they do. I know some of them. Some of them have actually engaged me in conversation where raising their pet was equated with raising children. Not by me, mind you… but it takes every ounce of self-control I have in these moments not to recommend a psychiatrist to them on the spot. If I knew a good psychiatrist, I might not be able to help myself at all.
I once dated a woman for about ten minutes who talked about her dog early and often and as if he (or was it a she?) were as human as you and me. She was cute and she liked me, so I managed to fool myself into thinking this was something about her that was “cute,” and “engaging.”
Then we had sex for the first (and last) time, with her dog on the bed with us THE ENTIRE TIME. He (or she) didn’t necessarily bother us or interrupt our tug of war, but he (or she) was right there… the whole time… and not once did she seem to have a problem with it. I however, had a problem with it. I don’t need an audience, and certainly not one who is panting right along with me.
Not that you need another reason to NOT date a guy, but fighting for custody of a pet with his ex-wife definitely ranks as another good reason.
I say feed the kitty, and move on.
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Screw the Pooch
So I’m almost 40. When you’re almost 40, most people you meet have been married before. Many of these people have kids. Most of these people have pets. This leads me to my subject. WTF is up with joint custody of pets?
I’m a definite pet person. I think animals are wonderful in every way. They teach children responsibility and patience, they are loyal companions, dependable protectors and they keep us warm at night when no one else will. I recently dated a guy who had a great little Maltese. Normally I don’t like small dogs, but this one found great places to snuggle — in my neck, behind my knees, and my favorite, in the curve of my waist when I lay on my side. I knew at some point someone would appreciate my curves!
This cute little Maltese was jointly shared with the guy and his ex-wife. Which means they saw each other every week. Which means sometimes, this guy saw his ex-wife more than he saw me. Supposedly this guy despises his ex — she cheated on him and left him for another man. So I ask you this: Would you really want to see this person every week for the rest of the dog’s life? Of course this custody issue limited us to always being at his house on those weeks, because the dog couldn’t be alone. How is it that someone can leave a dog alone for 10-12 hours while they’re gone during the day but can’t leave them at night? What is possibly different about that except the sun and moon? I eventually stopped seeing him and recently met someone else. He has a golden retriever — which he shares with his ex-wife. I wonder where he’ll sleep. The guy, not the dog.
Moving on.
