A Clean Slate
September 16th, 2009For most of my life, I have been teased. Yes, I was teased by my siblings for the usual childhood stuff, but I am most teased about my cleanliness. I guess I’m what you would call a neat freak. So it makes perfect sense that the first thing I do after a relationship ends – is clean. Yes, I clean my house – my closet, my refrigerator, my makeup drawer – but I also clean another house – my man house. After a relationship I clean like I have never cleaned before – to remove the evidence of a time when my heart was open, and vulnerable.
When dealing with loss, it is said that the 5 stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. When it comes to breakups; my stages are a little different. Not to beat a dead horse, but obviously let’s use my most recent dating disaster as the example:
Stage 1 – Shock. Yep, you could have knocked me over with a feather. Nostradamus could not have predicted the way this ended. I do wish his last image of me had not been one with my mouth hanging open, because it probably was not the most attractive look for me.
Stage 2 – I think this might be where denial comes in, but it’s definitely combined with anger. Did the jerk really just dump me? Really? REALLY?
Stage 3 – Depression. I just got dumped. I’m sad and lonely and I’m never going to get asked out again. I’m going to die an old, lonely, pathetic woman with 6 cats. Wait, maybe it’s because I just took a vow not to leave the house. (Oh, and I don’t have a cat.)
Stage 4 – Anger again. Did the jerk really just dump me? Really? REALLY?
Stage 5 – Drama. Of course I dumped all of his crap into a bag and threw it over his fence. Okay, I placed it over his fence. Neat freak, remember?
Stage 6 – Revenge. Well, to be more accurate, beauty revenge – double workouts, a haircut and a new outfit. I’m going to look GOOD – even though I’ll never run into him again. He’s lived 4 miles from me for 6 years and I met him on an airplane.
Stage 7 – Anger one more time. Did the jerk really just dump me? Really? REALLY?
Stage 8 – Acceptance. He wasn’t the right guy for me. I was just trying to convince myself he was the one. We had nothing in common. I really am happy alone. I love my life. Okay, maybe that stage should be called “denial.”
Stage 9 – Short-term memory. This is the stage where I forget all the mistakes I made, all the red flags I ignored, all the hurt and anger I felt, and I do it all over again. Because at the end of the day, I’m just a girl who wants to fall in love.
A clean slate. I can’t wait for next time.
