Sensitive to Stupidity
August 24th, 2009Mr. Anti-internet dating couldn’t be happier for you… and himself. You have single-handedly confirmed my every reason for advising run, don’t walk away to any human being I’ve ever met, stranger or friend, when it comes to internet dating. I feel so validated. I feel so smart. I’d prefer it wasn’t at your expense, but what are friends for?
Now that you’ve seen the light, I feel it only fair to give you an advance screening of the alternative. No way do I take back anything I’ve ever said about internet dating. However, there’s always been one question I could never answer when asked by the internet dating populace. “Do you have a better way to meet people?”
Brace yourself because here’s what awaits you:
Most, if not all nights you will spend alone. A trip to CVS for toiletries will be cause for that new, sexy top you bought. The next time you are hugged by a man, it will feel really, really good. Unless it’s a family member. In other words, things aren’t going to get better… they’ll just feel worse, whether they get worse or not. But they will be true. They will be yours, and only yours. You’ll feel like a loser more often than you would like, but each time a friend confides in you about his or her lousy date, or his or her lousy mate, or his or her lousy spouse, you’ll start to feel much better. You’ll start to feel much smarter, too, as if the extremely dim light you thought you saw at the end of the tunnel is finally in view. Most of all, you’ll start to feel hope. It’s the hope only a man or woman with possibilities in life can have.
Either all of this will happen, or you’ll end up in the fetal position, on your couch with the season 3 DVD of Grey’s Anatomy, a pint of Haagen Daz in your lap.
If giving up on the internet for dating doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger. This, my friend, I promise you.
So, how about dinner at PF Changs to celebrate?
