Sensitive to Insensitivity
August 24th, 2009I am officially retired from internet dating. Last night I went on a date so bad, it forced me into complete and utter profile destruction. I should have followed my gut (as usual), I knew it wasn’t going to go well, knew I wouldn’t like him, but I had no idea it would be as bad as it was. From the beginning, the red flags were everywhere. He lived way too far away, he talked nonstop about his body, exercise, the fact that he doesn’t drink, and how smart he was. Every part of my being said don’t go, but sometimes a large ego can be mistaken for nervousness, so I went. At 5PM. On a Saturday. To PF Changs. For a $39.95 special. Okay, I’m not that big of a snob, it actually is a great deal to pay $40 for 2 people for dinner. We are in a recession, so it works for me. In fact, I’d love to go again — with someone who isn’t an asshole.
We agreed to meet halfway — it took me 90 minutes and him 25. He looked NOTHING like his pictures. I mean, I think his pictures were of someone else entirely. Remember my face falling theory? Well, this time mine fell so hard on the floor I’m surprised I could even pick it back up. And to top it off, he was quite possibly the rudest person I have ever met. He was rude to the server. Strike one. I mean, he SNAPPED his fingers at her. He called people of my religion “my people.” Strike two. (Of course I had to retaliate on that one and slammed “his people” for eating the Early Bird Special.) He spoke disparagingly of previous dates, talking about how fat and ugly they were, and ending his sentence with, “But you’re perfect.” REALLY? Strike three, you’re out. Our date began at 5:10. It ended at 6:30 with him scraping the leftovers on my plate into his to-go container and charging me $5 extra on the bill for my iced tea and soda water. He walked me out and said, “What should we do now?” I said, “I don’t know what you’re going to do, but I’m going home.” He said, “Oh, are you not feeling well? I’m sorry.”
15 minutes later, I was on my best friend’s couch, slamming beers and playing backgammon. 3 hours later, I was deleting my profile for good. Say goodnight, Gracie.
