I saw the love of my life today. It never fails… for almost 20 years I have loved this man and he somehow knows just the time to show up and turn my world upside down. Usually it’s when my world is upside down. First, the phone call: “I’ve been feeling like you aren’t okay.” Of course I’m not okay. Then, “Do you think we could have lunch?” No, we can’t have lunch, because if I see you for the first time after 3 years in my current state of emotional hell, I might just need to be put in a room with padded walls. So, I had lunch with him.

I got there first, sat down at the table (outside so I could keep my sunglasses on) and sucked down some liquid courage. As I saw him walking towards me I got that old familiar feeling that I haven’t had in years — nausea. This man gives me butterflies so bad I could open butterfly farm. Why does he still do that to me?

He sat down and took off his sunglasses and when I stared into those amazing blue eyes all the old feelings came rushing back. All the old feelings of heartbreak, that is. He handed me a box and said, “Happy belated birthday, Beautiful.” He gave me diamonds. The bastard gave me the first diamonds of my life. Now, I don’t like jewelry, don’t wear it, typically don’t care about it but as I looked at that diamond bracelet I got a rush of excitement — followed by a wash of disappointment. I wanted my first diamonds to come from a man who actually chose to spend his life with me. This man chose someone else.

“I think about you every day,” he said. “You know I still love you and always will.”

And with that, I got up and walked away before he could see my tears. I took my diamonds, of course.