The Cool Chick
Well, you are pretty cool…
I’ve always said that a person’s strengths are also often their greatest weaknesses. You are a prime example of this. Your strengths as a woman are numerous… you are smart, funny, attractive, resourceful (that means a great cook), a great time and a great friend. Now let’s break these qualities down through the eyes of a 33 year-old frat boy from the south:
SMART – That would matter if HE were smart, but it simply doesn’t apply here. What have a I told you about younger guys?
FUNNY – Hey, every guy loves funny… except when she’s funnier than he is. Plus, your sense of humor is quick, offbest and based on basic human intelligence. See SMART, above.
ATTRACTIVE – He’s the one who bought the ticket and flew across the country. No guy does that for a woman who isn’t good-looking. Unfortunately, a woman is only as good-looking as the younger, newer, sexier woman who just walked in the door behind her.
RESOURCEFUL – How often do you want to hear a man ask, “What’s for dinner?”
A GREAT TIME – A man hangs out with a great time until it’s time to get serious. Then he finds a woman who’s just like his mother and nobody’s mother was ever a great time.
A GREAT FRIEND – Well, you were a great friend to him. You were his wingman.
Maybe you should try being a bitch.
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Oops, I Did It Again
I told myself the last time that I wouldn’t let it happen again. The effort was there, as was the determination, but before I knew it, it was happening and I couldn’t do a thing to stop it. In a matter of mere moments, I once again went from date — to wing man. It shouldn’t have happened. I thought my plan was foolproof. He isn’t from here. He doesn’t know another soul in 1500 miles. I would be his only focus. He would hang on my every word, only have eyes for me, and think I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. And then I woke up.
I should have thought about the fact that I was inviting a 33 year-old man-child to visit. I was opening the door to Oz. And he didn’t just follow the yellow brick road, he quickly became the bricklayer! Things started out great. He got off the plane, we had one nervous, shy moment and then we were off and running. The first 24 hours were perfect. I felt like a million bucks. Then I made a fatal mistake. I took him to a notorious hot spot with a great view. A great view of perfect women, that is. He was like a pigeon at the beach and someone just dropped a bag full of bread crumbs on his head. In one split second I went from the most amazing girl in the world to his waitress, handing him beer as he passed by on his way to the next woman he was going to hit on. Every so often I’d see him point to me as if to say, “She’s so cool. But we’re just friends.” He did check on me periodically. But that was really just to tell me that he couldn’t believe how easy it was to pick up chicks in my city. Did I somehow grow a dick between dinner and dessert? Yet I didn’t say anything, just smiled and waved back because I’m so easy going. After all, I’m a great wing man. So how do I break this trend? How do I lose my cool chick-ness? My temporary solution – I’m done.
Dating, that is.
